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The adventure begins in the final term of the previous year. From the teen's point of view, this is a time of excitement as they become the long awaited top dog at school. Like a pressure cooker on a twelve month timer, it will be another year until the results can be tasted.

For many students, year 12 imposes demands they've never come close to experiencing before. Assessment task deadlines come thick and fast. And you're in for a real roller coaster ride if your child is doing a subject like Art that includes a major work. My daughter had four to hand in. With all the demands I found it difficult not to panic and set her off. Luckily at childbirth classes I'd learnt controlled breathing. I didn't realize I'd need it 18 years later.

While you can't do it for them, in some sense you can do it together. Offer encouragement and assistance where possible. Make sure you know which subjects they are doing, the relevant assessments tasks and when they are due. But rather than saying “you should be doing economics now!” say “how is economics coming along?” Just as you had to watch your child play soccer, netball or footy from the sidelines, you will again need to restrain yourself from grabbing the ball or shouting too loud. But don't leave them to sink or swim. Studies repeatedly show that parents are the most influential people in a teen's life. Teens that go off the rails usually do so because they feel cut off from their parents.

It's not only the parents who need to tread carefully. The two younger siblings, boys, had to hand over Internet access, keep the noise down, take over some chores and generally “make allowances” On a family holiday in the July break, three of us squished into one bedroom to give her the other room so she could work on her “Personal Interest Project” or PIP as it's known in the subject Society and Culture. When she did emerge, which could have been anytime of the day or night, she was given control of the TV, even if we were in the middle of watching something, so she could have a chance to unwind. Maybe that's unreasonable, she didn't demand it, but it was our way of feeling that we were making some contribution.

The Year 12 trials are appropriately named. They provide a not so dry run for the final external exams. The results from the trials should be used as confirmation to keep working hard or a warning to lift the game. By the time you've made it to the trials, the major works must have been handed in and the final countdown has started.

For me, the graduation dinner came as a relief from the approaching day of reckoning. I found the event a time to reflect on the previous six years of high school. It was a proud moment seeing how my daughter and her friends had turned into beautiful young ladies. I tried not to focus on how old I must be to be celebrating this moment.

But the graduation dinner and even the exams pale into insignificance when compared to the year 12 formal following the finals. First comes the day or two of shopping for dresses, suits and accessories. On the day, are visits to the hairdresser and beautician to get the nails, hair and face looking just right. And be prepared to get your hands dirty rubbing on fake suntan lotion. The PREs start around 5pm at some obliging parent's home, followed by six hours of partying at the formal venue. If you're the fool, like me, who agreed to around 100 teens converging on your humble home at 1am for the Afters party, then beware, your teens, oh yes and their partners but that topic will have to wait until another day, have bottled up somewhere between 12 months and 18 years of restraint. My advice: supply food, water and softdrink to counterbalance the alcohol they bring and have already consumed, provide lots of bins and clear signs leading to the bathrooms.

Like the first day you took them to school, you probably have mixed feelings. However, unlike the kindergarten experience, you will be the one suffering from separation anxiety and wanting to know where they are going? On the one hand, you can breath a sigh of relief at reaching the end of 13 years of formal education. On the other hand, you will be worried what the future holds and whether they worked hard enough to pursue their chosen course and careers. But don't believe the hype, regardless of the results there are many options. Perhaps they can return to study when they really know what they want. The reality is that mature age students tend to do better than school leavers and in our ever changing society there are many opportunities to find or reinvent ourselves.

Despite the well-meaning aspirations we have for our children, in this final year, parents have to accept that our children will have to sleep in the beds we couldn't get them to make.

Guests on this program:

Debbie Richards
Associate Professor.
Department of Computing
Division of Information and Communication Sciences
Macquarie University